What happened that made you realize that a fetish or kinky lifestyle was something you desired in some capacity? Was it something that happened from a more experienced partner, or watching porn, or a dirty joke?
Again, another post of Fetlife, but one that made me think of why I do this....
I have always watched porn, for as long as I can remember...well, at least since I can remember finding a porn movie in the bottom drawer of my parents bedroom in my early teens.
I used to come home from school and was alone til my parents finished work...it was then I used to rush to the bedroom, put the movie on, masturbate, and quickly rewind it back to where I found it so I didnt get caught. Over the years the movies varied a bit, looking back, some really didnt appeal at all, but I still did it...probably for the thrill factor of doing something I knew I shouldnt be.
Entering into the world of actually HAVING a sexual relationship, I always know I liked things rough, fast, hard, and you could shove slow and romantic so far up your arse that it would never be found.
I didnt know back then that I was submissive, but I knew I liked it when they controlled things.
I had an ex boyfriend...we were together for a year or so, and he was about the first of everthing, the first I gave oral to, the first to give me oral, we tried anal...he was HUGE...IT FUCKING HURT...but looking back, neither of us really knew what it was all about.
I can remember tying him up one night...pouring something all over him and licking it off, and I think that night I actually came without being touched.
I will say...untying those stockings and letting him up was the fun part...he turned me onto hands and knees and fucked me harder than I had ever had it.
We watched porn together, and I can remember one night in a drunken state him suggesting we get one of his mates to join us. I agreed, but it never happened.
Fast forward a year or so, he and I broke up, and I had met the guy who would become my husband...from here on in, known as the dickwad.
I admit...I settled.
He was stable, and I thought would be a good provider. I was truly scared of being left on the shelf....what the fuck did I know at 21?? not much obviously.
Within a couple of years, I no longer wanted to have sex with him...it was boring, he was a premature ejaculator...and I was over the 2 pump bang and roll over.
I tried to spice things up as best I could...but nothing worked and it got to the point I would shudder at the thought of him touching me at all.
This didnt kill the marriage, I sucked that bit up and figured I would live the rest of my life with no sex......it was the lack of communication with him that killed the marriage, after 11 years of marriage, he didnt want to discuss why we hadnt had sex in over 18 months, or why I had stopped wearing my wedding rings..and even when I fronted him to say these things...he refused to discuss it...so I asked him to leave.
I had filled my nights in with the computer...met some exceptionally wonderful people...flirted a bit, and met someone who I knew had a sex life that was "out of the ordinary" to me.
Being the curious person I am..I pestered him with questions...he answered every one with patience...pointed me in the direction of a few different sites....the rest is history.
I jumped in the deep end.
sooo, looking back, I was always different to my friends, I was never the girly girl who needed to be in love to get laid. I had my fair share of one night stands, always egging them on to see if they couldnt make it a bit rougher, harder, faster, so I guess this side of me has always been there...it was just hidden for the longest time.
Poor Master....I have 14 years to make up for...no wonder I am so impatient.....and after living with someone who didnt turn me on for the longest time...I am like a kid in the candy shop now...wanting it all and wanting it NOW.......
