Another communication fuckup..

I am guilty of the crime of keeping things to myself.

Is it wrong that I am hoping for a little home brand incarceration??
Ropes, handcuffs...maybe a blindfold or something??

I have failed in the one thing I actually thought I had managed to get my head around.

Communication.

I posted a couple of weeks ago that Sir and I needed some more communication.
That was when I was imagining Him lying serenely in bed, recuperating from surgery.
A car accident prior, a collapsed lung, my frantic travelling made any sort of serious communication about D/s a secondary issue for me. And I am guessing it was the last thing Sir was thinking about as well.

We have just had a weekend alone for the first time in over a month.
Bliss....pure bliss.
No cooking.
No cleaning.
A day out on the new motorcycle.
And some serious vegging out on the couch.

It wasn't until Sir had gone home and left me all sulky on the couch that I realised I had missed my best opportunity for that serious discussion.

He called me on it last night.
It started from a discussion about the stress levels we have dealt with lately.
I remarked to Sir that he should probably be grateful I wasn't there with Him, and the reason for that is I was skirting that fine line between danger and absolute brattiness.
I called Sir a fucking asshole once, and was punished with a crop.
Last night I was in the same mood.

After our chat, Sir tasked me with a writing assignment.
To explain to Him more about the mental side of my submission.

It took me most of the day to come up with something I was happy with.
I am still not convinced I explained the side of it that Sir wanted to know, but I did try.

I am guessing my writing is the tip of the iceberg on this issue.
And that we will be discussing it further when we get time in person.

But I did learn something today...that even when I do not realise it, that I hide things, keep things to myself. That a small part of me is still scared about giving Him the things I have never given anyone before.....all of my emotions, access to the inner me, the whole part of me I had never given anyone access to before.

I need to learn to communicate better.