Monday, January 30, 2012

Bruised, Bitten and happy in love

I think this is about the 3rd or 4th time I have felt like I no longer wish to blog.

The other times were all times of confusion, this time it is different.

I am content.
Happily content.
And madly and wildly in love.

I no longer wish to share things that are done to me.
I may occasionally wish to brag, or sort some issues out, but now it is different.

So my blog posts will now be few and far between as I begin a journey of a different kind.

I am owned again, but this time it is different.

This time he owns my body, my heart, my soul and my everything.
Everything I have to give is his.

And to lay in his arms, and hear the words 'I love You' whispered in my ear.....there is nothing better, especially as we admire the bite marks on my shoulders, the redness on my breasts and the bruises on my thigh from his first bare handed spanking on me.

 I love You Sir

Friday, January 27, 2012

counting down....

There are people who come and go in your life for a reason, some for a long time, others just a moment.
If you are open, every single person will teach you something, maybe good, possibly hurt you, but a lesson is learnt in everything.

I met a guy, who I blogged about in my last post.

I am now on the countdown to see him in person.

19 hours and 50 minutes and I will be standing there in the flesh.
Able to see him, hear his voice, be held in his arms.

We have met before, it is not like this is the first time ever, but this time I have no fear of being able to share the way I feel, I can look at him and let him read in my eyes, see on my face the effect he has on me.

I am counting down until I can touch him, make sure the feelings I have are real, solid, and that he is there and not just words on a screen making me wish for things that are unreachable.

Is this all about BDSM??

No, this is about life, about finding the person who matches me, who fits me, who treats me the way I need to be treated, who makes me happier than I have known.

This is completely different from the last D/s.
I knew before I started that, it would never be forever, that it was kink first and other things second.

This is different.
Do I want to be in his bed? Yes
Do I want to be tied up and fucked within an inch of my life? Yes
Do I want to be bound, teased, touched, and hurt? Yes
Do I want to be on my knees in front of him? Yes

But more than all those, I want to be in his arms. I want to watch him walk around the house. I want to sit on the vanity and watch him shave, I want to be able to make his coffee, I want his lips on my forehead.

Life has already thrown up a couple of challenges for us.
The upcoming surgery that will put any kind of penetrative relationship on hold for 8 weeks or so.
Him moving house, which means more distance between us than there is now.

These are challenges we intend on facing together. Holding hands. Being there for each other. Knowing we each have the support from the other.

This is about us first and D/s second.
Neither of us can do vanilla anymore, kink will play a big part in our lives I am sure, but it is not all about the kink.

This is life.

And I am counting down. 19 hours and 38 minutes until I am safe in his arms.

Monday, January 23, 2012

I want what you are....

There is an old saying about finding what you are looking for when you stop looking.

I believe it.

Not sure I did before, but I do now.

When He and I split, released, whatever the technical term for it is....when we did that, we stayed in contact, but I went looking. Call it replacing Him, whatever you like..I wasn't trying to replace Him, but I did miss the control, and the other things.

I quickly found out that the majority of the guys I spoke to were idiots and fucktards, and seemingly I was submissive to Him only.

I changed my Fetlife profile from that of a submissive, back to a kinkster.
I defined myself on my profile as best I could, being as honest as I could.

I had a couple of messages, but they amounted to nothing.

After New Years Eve, I decided that I would leave everything on the backburner until after my operation, until I was healthy again.
I was having a semi undefinable, unexplainable relationship with a Dom interstate.
He needed kink but didnt need the physical, and I needed the control and my health wouldnt allow the physical....worked for us as silly as it might seem.

In the meantime, I was still heading to events where I can, meeting new people, having a great time making new friends and loving the Aussie summer with my kids on holidays.

At one of these events, I met a guy.

A Dom.

He was there with his play partner.

I knew her, she introduced us.

I also knew she played with others besides him, that their relationship wasnt committed, but there was love, trust and caring between them.

In all honesty, I tried to avoid him that night as much as possible.
I had this complete and utter attraction to him...something I dont think I have felt in a LONG time.

I blogged before how I had a complete and utter TRUST for my ex Master when we met, but this guy was different.

I wanted to drag him out of that event, out to anywhere I could and get my hands on each and every part of his body and never let go.
I was never going to poach him from my friend, I didnt even flirt, although it was DAMN hard not to when all I wanted to do was fuck him sideways and upside down.

Little did I know that she had told him to check me out, that she said to him I was nice.... I think she may have been playing matchmaker.

It worked.

He and I have chatted about everything under the sun since  the week following that event, I was honest in that I was not well and needed surgery, his response was....

"I don't want what you can offer, I want what you are"

My heart skipped a beat and it hasn't been the same since.

I will keep you posted on what comes next....but I am pretty sure I know where we are headed, and seemingly it can't happen fast enough for either of us.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Safe in his arms..

He takes me by the hand, leads me into a darkened room, stopping in the middle.

Still holding my hand - he faces me...kissing my forehead, a gentle pressure on my shoulder pushing downwards.

Instantly I kneel on the floor at his feet, his hand brushing my hair as it passes his fingertips, our fingers slipping apart slowly.

He stands behind me, a blindfold slipped over my eyes gently.

Music begins from an unknown place, calming, serene, the blindfold and the music combining to send me into a relaxed state.

He kneels in front of me, his hand brushing gently across my cheek, one finger tracing the features on my face.

I can only imagine what he sees...a submissive woman, kneeling before him, knowing she gives him all of her self, that no matter what he chooses to do with her, that she will still feel the same for him afterwards, that he has her complete trust to take what he wishes.

He touches me gently in many places, my shoulders, neck, face, breasts, thighs, always gently, softly, caressing and teasing.

One finger lifts my chin and he kisses me....touching our lips together softly.

He stands, pulling me gently to my feet to stand naked before him.

I feel him lift my hands high above my head, fastening them to the restraints in the ceiling.

I now stand naked, arms high above my head, nipples hard, wetness glistening on my thighs, feet apart and his for the taking.

He runs the flogger gently over my back, the touch of the leather on my skin making me shiver.

The music plays on, as my head rolls gently from side to side in anticipation of what is coming... knowing no matter what happens next, the night will finish with me safe in his arms.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Bound to the chair..

He leads me by the hand to the centre of the room.

There is a chair. It is settled right in the middle of the room, centred, as if waiting for a spotlight to be shone onto it.

The house is quiet, he says little to me, as he walks to the corner.
He reaches into a bag and turns back to face me, rope in hand.

I look from the rope to his face, back to the rope and again to his face.

He gives nothing away with his expressions, but I know there is a calm about him tonight that I do not often see, this calm almost frightens me. If the trust wasnt there, I would be seriously worried.

I cock my head, watching him, reading his body, watching his movements.

I smile, I have realised what is different..... tonight he is in total control.

Whether I like it or not, tonight is for him, about what he wants, when he wants....his dominance has burst through.

He walks towards me, I look up at him, he has the rope in his hands and a look of total control on his face.

He firmly pushes me to the chair, making me sit, naked, legs open.

He binds me with the rope....across my breasts and stomach, tying me to the chair, stopping occasionally to pull on my hard nipples, twisting the piercings.

The feel of the rope across my skin is sensual, yet firm and binding, I cannot move and yet the more rope he uses, the wetter I am getting.

It is not long before the chair beneath me has a small puddle, leaking from between my open legs...

He walks from the room, coming back minutes later with another chair.

He places the chair in front of mine...facing each other, about 5 feet apart.

He sits, watching me, saying nothing.

I begin to wriggle, wanting something, not knowing what he has planned.

He opens his jeans, taking his cock out, showing it to me, showing me how hard it is, but still says nothing.

He begins to stroke it, watching me the whole time. I cannot take my eyes off his cock, watching his stroke it turns me wishes it was me being allowed to stroke it, touch it, worship it.

It is not long before he stands, walking towards me, he runs his hand up and down the shaft right before my eyes.... occasionally wiping it across my cheek, letting the tip brush my lips, and yet the minute my tongue comes out for a taste, he moves it out of reach.

My pussy is aching, feeling empty, it is clenching looking for something inside it, wanting that cock buried deep.

He takes hold of my ponytail, holding my head at a strange angle, showing me that I am there for his use, his playtoy tonight.

He uses one hand to tap his cock against my lips, letting me taste him, my tongue slipping into the slit on the tip, tasting the precum, wishing for more.

He takes hold of my jaw, opening my mouth, holding my head still as I look up at him.

He pushes his cock deep to the back of my throat, gagging me, making me choke. He holds it there, showing me it is HIS choice how this will happen, when HE is ready, on HIS terms.

He alternates between letting me worship his cock with my tongue and lips to taking control and face fucking me, pushing it deep, making sure the drool drips from my chin, my eyes black with the makeup tears.

His voice is in my ear as his cock is in my throat, telling me all the things he wants to do to me, how he intends to use me, take me, make me his.

He takes control again, moving back to look at my face while he jerks himself off in front of me...looking at the damage he has done, the tear trails, the precum wiped all over my cheeks, the drool on my chin and dripping down onto my is like he is surveying the damage, to see if I can be pushed further.

I am desperate for his cock, I am after all, his little cum slut, never getting enough of him, the taste of him, his cum in me, on me, tasting it, wearing it, watching it...I cannot get enough.

He feeds me his cock once more, making sure that he can see my eyes as it pushes down the back of my throat, choking me, my eyes beginning to water once again.....

He pulls back..his hand holding my chin, forcing my head upwards, as he cums on my face...leaving me wearing the evidence of his control, and leaving me in a puddle, bound to the chair.

Friday, January 13, 2012

One year on...

I have thought about this particular blog post for a few weeks now...knowing the date would come quicker than I could think of anything to write. And I am still not entirely sure I know what I want to say, so please excuse me for the rambling and the tears.

Today is one year to the date since I started this blog, which was also the day I was owned for the first time.

Part of me is wishing I had spent the day with Him, celebrating a year of crazy madness. But since we didn't make the full year, that was never going to happen.

Part of me is thankful for the year I have had. While I have a few downs, overall, it has been a great year. I have learnt more about myself than I ever knew I would, met wonderful people, and had a fantastic journey.

The other part of me is the bitch part and I have done my best to duct tape her to the bottom side of the couch as I am not sure I could control her once I released her.

In the last few days, there have been some hurtful words spoken on both sides, and I am thinking while he has never said it outright, that this is it. No more contact at all.

I have packed up the box of things, and put them away, that is something I did weeks ago when he refused to take the collar back, as well as the other things. This time I have wrapped the box up and placed it at the back where I cannot see it and need to make an effort to get it out.

So it has been a big year for me, and I can see the next few months being another whole new journey beginning for me in that I have some surgery coming up to get my body back to somewhere close to normal I hope, and after that who knows who I will meet or what will happen.

Thank you to my awesome friends who supported me on this journey, you all know who you are.

For Him  who was my Master..I have one last song for you, maybe you will listen to the words and REALLY pay attention, it may explain to you the things I seemingly couldn't.

Here it is. I hope it makes you think the same way it makes me think when I hear it.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

untitled writing 4 continued.....

The rhythm of the 2 cocks inside her make the wetness run faster down her thighs, the drool running down her chin, they are using her, taking from her what they wish.
The cock in her pussy is fucking her hard, pounding, his hands alternating between gripping her hips and slapping her arse cheeks, maintaining the redness her Sir had left there earlier.

Both cocks suddenly leave her, she gasps for air and moans, wishing they had given her more.

Hands touch her body, moving her, positioning her, making her straddle the stranger, his cock disappearing again into her pussy, as she is pushed forwards, Sir's hands pinching and twisting her nipples.

Sirs voice is in her ear, telling her to ride the cock hard as his hands play all over her body.
She feels a cold wetness against her arse. She gasps, knowing Sir has just lubed her arse for his cock.

A finger enters her arse as the cock she sits on thrusts hard up into her. She bites her bottom lip, knowing this is something she has always wanted to try and never had the opportunity.
One finger becomes two, and they slide in and out of her, finger fucking her arse, getting her ready for his cock.
Sir leans down, biting her shoulder,  sinking his teeth into her deep, as his cock enters her arse.

She groans in pain as they push her limits.
She feels full, they settle there, not moving, allowing her to adjust to the cocks buried deep inside her.
She takes deep breaths, knowing their patience will not last much longer.
Sir's teeth bite back into her shoulder as the strangers hands move to pluck her nipples, and their cocks begin to move again.

She closes her eyes, reaching up and backwards, placing her arms around Sir's neck as she lets Him lead her on this new and wonderful journey.......

untitled writing 4...

She sits at His feet on the floor, her naked butt resting against the cool floor. The chains on her wrists clink together as she moves sideways, adjusting herself so she can lay her head against His leg.
His hand is in her hair, stroking her ponytail, twisting it, winding it around His fingers.
Taking hold of her hair, He pulls her hair back sharply, twisting her neck until she can see His face.
"I have a surprise for you pet"
She smiles as He fits a blindfold over her eyes.

He tells her to kneel in the middle of the floor. She can hear Him gathering things, placing them close by, the music is turned up slightly, eliminating the noises she can hear as He moves around the room.

His hand takes hold of her ponytail again, pulling her head back so He can kiss her, He bites her lips and feeds from her mouth. Her head is pushed towards the floor, raising her arse in the air.


 He spanks her butt hard, not once, but over and over until the redness covers her arse, and the wetness drips onto her thighs.

He fingers her roughly, whispering in her ear all those things He is going to do, how He will give her a night she will never forget.

The flogger is draped across her back, she feels the tendrils of leather against her skin as He teases her with it, softly touching it against her.
She begins to wriggle, impatient to feel it hitting hard against her back.

THWACK it hits her hard, making her draw a sharp breath and wriggle, her shoulders dropping closer to the floor, her butt higher in the air.

His fingers disappear into her pussy again, fingering her hard, wiping her wetness up and into her butt crack.
She shivers, knowing that He is getting ready to use her arse, that He will fuck her soon.

Much to her surprise, He walks to the front of her, lifting her head and before she is quite ready, His cock is in her mouth, gagging her, choking her.
She draws a quick breath as He leans back, ready to thrust again, and this time she takes Him into her throat, running her tongue over His hard cock as He face fucks her.

A cock is rammed into her pussy hard and she squeals around the cock that is still in her mouth.
Her whole body wriggles, trying to get away, knowing there is someone strange using her body.
He leans down and whispers in her ear...

"My Pet, it is ok, trust me"

She relaxes as soon as she hears His voice, knowing He will do her no harm, that He cares and knows what is best.

He begins to thrust into her mouth again, almost in perfect rhythm with the cock in her pussy.
Not knowing which sensation to savour the most, she lets her body take over, reaching that space all submissives strive to achieve.
She is a vessel for them to take their pleasure from, but she knows, before long, she will be begging her Sir to let her cum.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

MY journey...

I sat down to write about my beginning to a New Year and the hopes I have for this year.
Before I began to write, I read through _sub_girls post titled 2011.
Her honesty, her bluntness, her hopes, her dreams make her what she is, a beautiful, gorgeous, mixed up, kinky slut who I have come to call a very close friend.
There is nothing I can't tell her, often I go to her for advice, both on my BDSM journey and my body and its reactions to things. I love her dearly and if you haven't found her should.
You can find it here


I look back to this time last year, I bought in the New Year with my kids, at a party with friends. A newly single mum, loving having time with my kids, determined to explore my life a little more.
Never did I expect that within days of that New Year that I would meet someone who would change my life in so many ways. Make me think of things so differently. Make me look at my everyday life in a such a different way. He would take me on a journey of self discovery, of self learning, help me find those things that I had buried deep inside me, bring them to the surface, and most importantly show me how to enjoy them.

Last year I would never have admitted that I masturbated...not only do I admit it now, I tweet about it, I tell people... I mean I dont just walk up and include it in a conversation, but neither do I hide it.
I am much less sexually repressed than I was a year ago.
I enjoy sex more.
I enjoy being a dirty slut with the right person.
I like all the forbidden things..

I am also less shy about telling people what it is I want. Communication is a much different word for me than it was a year ago.

I have ventured out and about, getting out there in the kink scene, meeting new people. Like minded people. People who know I can be that dirty slut, who know what I am like away from family and my kids.

Last night I bought in the New Year at a BDSM club.
Just before midnight I had my back scratched, leaving me bringing in the new year with my back burning from the welts his fingernails had left on my skin. There is something about sensation play that leaves me more excited than most other kinds of play.
The New Year was bought in with me surrounded by friends, close friends, new friends, old friends, but ultimately on my own with friends. No special someone to stand by me, kiss me at midnight, hold me close and tell me that we would have a wonderful New Year together, and you know what??
That's OK.
I was super happy standing there on the strike of midnight.


This is the year that I am going to really travel my journey. I am going to try as many different things as I can, as safely as I can. I am opening myself up to other men, men I would have never considered the possibility of having any sort of relationship with.
It has started with a new name for the blog, a small name change for me.

This is the beginning of MY journey!

I was so determined that this year would be different for me, that literally within an hour of the new year beginning, I pushed myself outside my comfort zone and ended up looking like this....

admittedly my clothes were still on, and I know my hands were parallel to the floor, palms to elbows but it shows you the idea. I was then unceremoniously marched through the club with a big 6'4" Dom pushing me using the "handle" of rope on my back. I was bent over and spanked in front of others, playfully, but the hits were still hard enough to sting. I had 2 women run their hands all over my breasts, all the while I was hoping they would get their fingers inside my dress and tug on my nipple piercings.
And I have no shame in admitting that while being untied, the rope sensually pulled from its knots, slipped across my skin, teased across the front of my breasts that I was wet....dripping wet and I was more than ready to find someone to take me home and fuck me.
But I can wait.
I cant wait til there is someone worthy of having my submission, having my body, having me as his own personal slut, on my knees begging him for his cock in my mouth, in my arse, in my pussy.
He is out there.
I may have met him last night.
Or he could be the person who I will meet soon.

I dont know, all I know is that 2012 will be the start of a journey of my own, in my normal Sassy style.
To the point
Out there
With cheek and a smile.

And I am looking forward to meeting him, where ever he might be.