Caught in a school uniform...kinky style...

I blogged in my last post that I missed the control by way of tasks.

Sir hasn't been one (in the past) to assign me tasks. And it is something I do occasionally miss, but more often than not am grateful for.
While I enjoyed the finished product so to speak, more often than not I found them to be time consuming when I didn't have time, and distracting when I was busy.

Yes, I am aware this is probably sounding like the complete opposite of what I have said in a few recent posts, but it comes after some soul searching about which tasks I liked and which I hated.

I did enjoy the simple tasks, the writing on the body, the denial of underwear, things that were easily done in a second during the day.
The others...meh, not so much.

Sir text me today that He was horny, so, in usual Sassy style, I took a pic of my tits with "this help?" written on my abdomen.
I was in a provocative mood..so sue me.

Texts when back and forth for a little while, and one contained the idea that we could cam online together...this was me eager to watch Sir touching His cock, and watching Him cum for me...something I love.

I then hinted I was prepared to stay home tonight from a casual get together that was organised if He wanted to make the drive to my place.....more teasing, I know.

It was like a switch had been flipped, I then was instructed to take a pic of me fingering my cunt, while wearing a school dress, and it just so happens, I have one of those I save for special occasions.

Task underway, I went to the bedroom with my iPhone and Laptop and got changed, leaving off the underwear and did as I was told.
The next instruction was to find my oldest bra and put it on.
Cutting the cups to make a peephole bra was the idea, as I soon found out.
Pic sent, I was then told to finger myself, and report as to how wet I was.
I guess by this point you could have called it 'sexting'

Before I knew it, I had porn on the laptop, phone in hand, texting Sir while playing with my cunt.

I heard the front door open and dived for my dressing gown, thinking in horror I was about to have to explain why I was wearing a peep hole bra, no panties, a short SHORT, unbuttoned school dress and white socks an hour before I had to collect the kids from school.
I just had a hand on the gown and Sir appeared at the bedroom door.

Unceremoniously thrown back on the bed, I was then shown who was Boss, and what happens when you tease and poke a sleeping bear.

A surprise visit, some rough sex, some knife play to remove my bra, and the result was me needing a shower before school pick up.

I think Sir found out today why I love those pic tasks so much, and He saw first hand what it does to me.

I like mine kinky.....

I have used been told to use clothes pins (pegs to all the Aussies) on my nipples.

I have had them pinched by fingers.

I have had them bitten.

I have had them sucked.

I have had them sucked into large syringe type things with suction play.

Up until a few weeks ago...I had never had the pleasure of using nipple clamps.

Sir surprised me mid play by putting nipple clamps on me.

I will say, previous to that, I was nervous about the thought of them, having heard stories of how much they hurt...and having never been one to enjoy nipple play in the past. But, I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed it.

Feeling Sir yank on the chain sent a direct fizzle of excitement straight to the clit...leaving me feeling decidedly "clenchy" on the inside.

(Boys...this is the female equivalent of being so hard it hurts.)

My cunt actually clenches involuntarily looking for something to grip onto.

Only issue I had with the clamps was they never seemed to be tight enough and with a little tug, they slipped off.

I went shopping the next day for a set of clover clamps. Needless to say...the shop I went to didn't have any.

But they did have this very pretty pair with beads and danglies.

The past couple of weeks have been hectic, both of us busy, both of us sick with the winter cough and cold that seems standard, and up until last night, they hadn't been used.

Last night Sir was in an unusual mood.
I had been particularly cheeky, teasing Him on and off during the day, but when the kids had all been put to bed...I was about to pay for the Sassy mood I had been in.( why these moods surprise Him, I will never know. He knew me as Sassy before He knew my real name. Surely the name gives a clue??)

He teased me a little, yanking my hair, being rough, calling me all those names I love to hear out of HIS mouth.....then He asked me what I wanted.

I was a little hesitant to answer, but the yank on the hair and Him repeating the question had me sure He was waiting for an answer...and quickly.

It is something that I am not entirely comfortable with.
I feel like it shouldn't be about what I want, but having said that, I do understand the reasoning that He cannot always know how I am feeling. He points out to me that even when I answer those types of questions...this is no guarantee that I will get what I ask for. I can tell Him I want a cup of coffee....but I may get tea instead. I still get a hot drink, just not what it is I am craving.

"Please Sir...may I have the nipple clamps, the butt plug, the hitachi and the blindfold?"

I didn't get the blindfold, but I was face down anyway.

I did get the butt plug...but not the small one I was expecting.

I did get the nipple clamps, but not until I was "whimpering and pleading" permission to cum.

(Sir has really taken a liking to making me beg for permission and denying me for what seems like forever before granting it)

I was borderline finding out what punishment I would receive for cumming after I had been told not to when the clamps went on. It was instantaneous and involuntary. I was on the edge in seconds.

Some more "whimpering and pleading" later.... the hitachi went on my clit, while Sir fucked me.. I had the clamps on my nipples and the butt plug up my arse.

I thought I had died and gone to heaven.
I also thought I may pass out from the strength of the orgasm I was finally allowed to have.

Most girls like jewellery. I like mine kinky.....

Please Sir...may I cum??

It has been no secret that I have had issues with orgasms in the past.

To put it bluntly... I didn't.
I did by myself..but never with a partner.

I do now.
Insert big cheesy grin

They require a little time and patience, but I do get there.

Do I have an orgasm every time Sir and I have sex??
No.

There are times when He takes what He pleases (which I love) and vaginal sex is not something I can orgasm from.
I need direct clitoral stimulation.
Vibrator or tongue. Fingers don't seem to do the job since I got my clit hood pierced.

Last night was a first for me.

Some snuggling in bed after the kids were asleep turned into me getting my nipples pinched and pulled, which evolved into some violet wand play which left me wriggling on the bed like a fish out of water, which then turned into me getting oral sex.

It is not something I was ever really comfortable with before, but since I get orgasms...it is high up there on the favourites list now.

Sir has come to know my body and reactions very well...He knows exactly where to lick, suck and touch to get me to orgasm.
Last night however...things were a little different.

The norm for me is to ask permission before orgasm, which is something like

"Sir..please may I cum?"

To which I normally get a "Yes, you may"

Last night I got a "No you can't"

The sassy cheeky devil in my head said "What the fuck? You have GOT to be kidding. NO??"

The actual sound that came out was "Ohhhhhhhhh god"

Sir stopped licking that exact spot for all of about 30 seconds and went right back at it.

I asked again.

Again He said No.

And again, and again, and again.

By this point I wanted to cry. Part of me wanted to cum so bad it was hurting and the other part was wondering if I DID get permission, would I even be able to at this point?
I am damn sure He could hear the begging in my voice as I repeatedly asked permission, only to be denied.
He rose above me and began to fuck me, whispering in my ear that He owned my orgasms, and I was not allowed to cum until He said, telling me I was His dirty slut, pulling my hair back, hand at throat, all the things He knew would turn me on more and more.
Then He went back to licking me, getting me right back to where I had been on the edge for what seemed like an eternity.

I asked yet again, this time to finally be granted permission, but I had asked about 25 licks too soon, and it felt like I was never going to get over that edge.
Sir's knowledge of my body was on show as He felt me on the edge and pushed the button I needed pushed...sending me into space.

It went on and on and on and on and on until I wanted to cry from the exquisite pain I was in.

I then got fucked hard. Hard enough that I thought I would have trouble walking today.

I had my first lesson on Orgasm denial. I am not entirely sure I liked it, but I guess thats not the point is it?

Kneeling for Sir...

Sir and I found out earlier today that we get most of the weekend together with no kids.
School holidays start for us this Friday, and my kids are gone for a week with their father, so for once.. I do not have to rush home before our weekend is over.


Chatting earlier tonight, Sir called me a smart arse, then proceeded to tell me my arse will smart over the weekend.


Part of me sighed with relief that we will get some play time... part of me then knew I needed to explain to Sir what was going on in my head, so He can make the decisions with all the facts.


Sometimes I feel like it is easier to write things down as if I am telling a stranger, rather than tell Him direct...a little like letting Him peek inside my mind without me feeling like I am topping from the bottom.


His response to the thought of peeking inside my head 


"I  try but sometimes I need a miners lamp, a machete and a big bottle of holy water"


I am going to make the assumption He was being smart and not serious. I like to think I am a fairly simple kinda gal, straight forward and blunt, without the neurosis some women have.


Either way... He is qualified to dip around in there and the machete and holy water are only optional navigation aides.


I am absolutely looking forward to some serious play time...it feels like it has been forever. (I do know it hasn't really been thaaaat long)


But you know what??? 


More than anything I am craving a mental fuck.
I want Him inside my head, teasing and tormenting me with words, pushing me to the edge, making me a quivering, sobbing mess of emotional woman on her knees.


I may or may not also want a light touch of a flogger or two, maybe the crop if I get warmed up first, possibly some hitachi torture.... I really don't know what it is I want, and it matters little anyway, what happens will not be my choice, BUT, It is not the physical pain I am craving.


It is the mental feeling of being put in my place.


On my knees.


His property, to play with as He pleases.


At at the end of the play.. I can relish the feeling of being 'spent' and know it pleases Him to see me like that.

Not your average couple...

I sat down this morning, having the feeling in my head that I had something that I wanted to say, but when I opened the page to begin a blog post, the thoughts were gone.

Occasionally I get a nagging feeling like I want to blog something, but I don't know what it is I actually want to write about.
Like there are thoughts in there that are trying to get out, let me help make sense of something, or help me realise something. My blog is not a place for me to pass judgement, or to push my opinion on others, it is just my place to express myself in a way I normally wouldn't.

Chatting to Sir after the earlier blog post, He told me He loves to read what I have written, that I express myself differently in the blog than I do when we are together.
I remarked that is because I have the ability to write, delete, re-write until I am happy with the way it sounds, and although sometimes my fingers cannot keep up with the thoughts, I often delete and re-word what I have written so there is no misconceptions.
I can't do that in person, I have to explain myself differently.

I thought about that after we had chatted... I am different on here because - here I am completely submissive in a different way than I am when we are together.
I am ALWAYS His.
I am ALWAYS submissive to Him
But here it is different to when we are together.

I can get bossy in RL, I get all protective, I fuss more, I am just different.

I know I can get complacent in my submission occasionally, and I don't mean that I am not submissive, but meeting us as a couple, you may be forgiven for not being able to see that I am a sub. And of course, this doesn't apply to the vanilla world. Neither Sir or I force our kinks onto those who don't consent, so to vanilla people, we are just another couple in love.

But around other kinky people, I can be submissive, call Him Sir in front of others, and have Him yank my hair, bite me.... whatever it is He chooses to do, and it is all ok. And there are times where I say things not many other subs would, or do things they would never dream of, and it is ok with Him.

A lot of the time we have kids around, and I don't just hand over control of my kids, I still have to maintain normalcy when they are around, and Sir does also. In those times, we are just a normal couple

My point is... outside the bedroom, I am equal.
Yes, there are always times when he says something, does something, and reminds me of my place, but it is not 100% on show all the time.
This past weekend, I felt more control than I have before, and not that He didn't control me, but it surfaced differently. I can sit here and know without a doubt, that His dominance over me grows more and more, and that His confidence as a Dom, gets stronger every time we are together.

I know when I am told to do something, that it is like a switch has been flipped, it's show time!!
There is also a look He gets on His face, that's when I know something is coming my way...

I am not sure He knows the reaction those things have on me, He certainly knows that He turns me on, but something as simple as "I want.." or "Go and do..." and the tone of voice used, they make me literally quiver on the inside. I melt. And I am not sure he even notices that his voice changes when He says those things, that His accent gets stronger, the timbre changes, which in itself, turns me on.



We are not the conventional Dom-sub couple, we follow very few of the 'accepted D/s rules' but without a doubt, our strength as a couple is as strong if not stronger than anything I have seen with my own two eyes.

I wonder what my thoughts will be about the control this time next year?

oh Yeah, and I finally found the motivation to finish off the changes to the blog.
This is a complete fresh start for me, this is the journey I am hoping lasts forever.

Controlling me..

I have been doing some reading on Orgasm Control and Conditioning.

In the past, I have laughed at Doms who have told me that they are into Orgasm Control/Denial and that they wanted to try it on me.
I laughed because they even thought there was a remote possibility that they would get close enough to me that they would get the opportunity to make me cum, and secondly, because in the past I didn't cum.
I could orgasm on my own, but not with a partner.
Not with them watching me, not with them in the same room, not when they could hear me, just couldn't do it.

The weekend before surgery was an interesting weekend for me.
Sir spent the weekend at my house, it was our first weekend together, the first time we had slept in the same bed, the first time we had been intimate since I told Him that I loved Him, the first time we explored 'real' kink together.
It was also the first time I had cum for a man in person for the longest time.
The first one snuck up on me, and I can remember thinking that I would get to the edge and not tip over, and before I knew it...over I went. Tears followed of course. The rest of the night passed in a bit of a blur.
Sir then introduced me to the pleasure of morning sex the next day, which resulted in yet another orgasm for me, also another sneaky one.

I then had surgery, and all things penetrative went on the back burner. Nothing like having your uterus removed to interrupt the beginnings of a wonderful sex life!!
The problem was... now knowing I could have an orgasm, turned me into a sex mad nympho.. all of a sudden I couldn't get enough. Here was me with the top of my cervix stitched shut and begging Sir to 'just put it in a little'.
I have had orgasms since. And I know it is only the beginning, but since that weekend, I have found out something interesting.
I can orgasm... but not without asking permission and receiving the go-ahead.
This is not a rule, nor is it something we have ever talked about.
But the weekend I was allowed to drive again, I went to Sir's and we played a little (without penetration, no matter how much I begged for it). He had me tied to the bed, with vibrating clamps on my clit and between those and some oral, I was on the edge for the longest time.... finally it occurred to me that He might be pleased if I asked permission to cum. So I did. He waited a little, but when I heard the words 'you may' That was it...over I went.
At home the following week,  I was reading some erotica, and found myself wanting to masturbate, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't reach an orgasm, so I sent Sir a text message asking permission.
Now it is second nature to ask first, something I thought would never happen to me.


I am now curious about whether it would be possible to teach me to cum on command... hmmmmm.
More exploration on that required me thinks....

Here it comes......

I am sitting here contemplating how my life has changed so much over the last 6 months.

More specifically, my kink life.

I had a Dom 6 months ago, and I have one now, but different men.

They hold similar values in life, they both share a wonderful gift called fatherhood, both are wonderful fathers.
But as dominants, they are poles apart in their chosen style of domination over me.

I an not saying one is right, and one is wrong. To me, it is no different to one drinking white tea, and the other black coffee.
Personal preference to them.

But I sit here and ponder how lucky I am to have met them in the order I did.
I now have the ability to be able to share with Sir all the things that turn me on, that I like, that I wish to try, that I tried in the past and want to try again.
He is also sharing much the same things with me, of course He gets to decide when and where and how and all those things, which is the whole freaking idea of course!! But still, we do talk and share these things.

Many of those things I learnt through experience with my previous Dom, either in person or in discussion.
Had it been the other way around, I would never have been able to experience a lot of the things I have done now, just because of the restrictive nature of the relationship I had before.

Now I can try them, expand on them, add to them and make a whole new list of things I want to try.
As well as my list, I am looking forward to being the guinea pig for Sir to test some of His things out on. New things we both want to try.
Already we have crossed quite a few things off the list, and I know for one, that I will have no hesitations in lining up to try any of them again.
Cept maybe the crop, that kinda stung a bit.

Sir made an online purchase last week, and it was delivered to my home instead of his.
Unluckily for me, Sir was here when it was delivered, so I didnt get the chance to play with it on my own, but I have experienced a Whartenburg Pinwheel before, so I kinda know what I might be in for.

The thing I am looking forward to the most??

Being chained up while Sir experiments on me.

I am getting to know Sir a little better, and can sometimes guess where things are headed, of course blindfold me and that kills any psychic abilities as I cannot read the look on his face, but I think I know what the reaction to the pinwheel will be.

With any luck the camera will be out and about and I will be able to share it with you all.

Never say Never......

Before Christmas, my grandfather was visiting.

He is a wonderful man, as I am sure most people's grandfathers are if they are lucky enough to have them.
This hasn't been a great year for him. Earlier in the year, he lost the love of his life. My Grandmother.

Mind you, they had a  long and wonderful life together.

Gramma was 97 when she died.
Pop is 86.

I used to tease Gramma she was a cougar. I remember the first time I called her that, I had to explain it to her.
I don't really know how effective my explanation was as she then just commented to me,

 'Don't know about that, All I know is I loved him'

Even in the last few days, Gramma and Pop had photos taken together.
When Mum showed me, I can remember saying to her....

'You can see the love....How much in love they still are, even after all these years.'

Pop is still the same Pop I had before, but without the love of his life now.

He asked me before Christmas when he was visiting, when I planned on getting married again.

The old fashioned part of him refuses to accept I can do anything I like without having to have a husband to 'look after me' so to speak.
He knows I am very independent. He knows I like having my own time, doing things as I please.

I can remember thinking to myself, there is no point in saying to Pop that I would never get married again, that the marriage I had just ended, left me disillusioned about the whole idea.
I could get no communication, ordinary vanilla sex and no love from strangers...why would I want to tie myself to that??
Best I was hoping for was someone I could be with when I had no kids, who cared for me, would be happy to tie me up and spank me, fuck me silly and shove his cock down my throat. And someone who would go home to their own house and leave me to have the space I wanted without the whinging that they were being ignored mid week, or that on the weekends I had the kids, that I gave my time to the kids and not to them.

My last few blog posts have told the tale of me falling in love, starting a new journey, recently collared, always owned and other wonderful soppy romantic things.
I have touched on the kink, but my surgery has made that hard. Hard for us to work out how to have the kink we need in our lives as well as hard for me to deal with, that this is something that I am causing.

Yes Sir, you can stop growling now that it is not my fault, I get that.
I love you Sir.
But it is my body that has the restrictions placed on it.
I am the one who is limited to the things I can do.
They are both facts.
Another fact.... I KNOW you are ok with it.
But it frustrates me, as you have seen this weekend, when I was

 'begging you like a 15 year old school girl to "just put the tip in, no one will know"'

The very fact that 10 days post op, that I was tied, bound, blindfolded and made to cum, makes me smile  like a fucking idiot.
And only partly over the orgasm bit.
I also had the crop over my arse this weekend.

"Fucking Arsehole" is not an acceptable thing to call Sir, even after the torturing and teasing he was inflicting on me.

Lesson learnt. rubs arse in recollection


But the whole point of the blog post is....

Because Pop would never have understood why I was never going to even contemplate the possibility of ever getting married ever again... I told him that I would only ever think about it...

'IF I meet someone who loves me as much as you loved Gramma. IF I find someone who I think will still love me when I am 90. Then I will think about it...until then, I am fine just as I am'

You know how sometimes you say things...only to have them jump up and bite your arse.....yup, feels like this could possibly be one of those times.

Alone, but never lonely again....

I sit here alone.

There is no one in the house but me.

But yet, I am not lonely.

Sir is with me always.
He left a little while ago, leaving me here, marked, bruised, and very happy.

This has been a weekend of firsts for me.

The first time I have spent a weekend with someone since I became single over a year ago.
I have spent time with friends, but this is different.

We weren't more than 15 feet apart the entire weekend.
Normally, after that long in one persons company, I would be craving a little solitude, a little 'me' space, some time alone to do the things I wish to do, and yet I sit here, wishing he was beside me.

We ticked quite a few things off the 'bucket list' of things we wish to experience together.
Some D/s, some not.

I have new barbells in my nipple piercings.
Placed there by Sir.
These fit, the others were too big, now they sit flush, each side, with no space to get caught on things.

It was not quite the weekend either of us were expecting.
We both have ex partners, children and life sometimes gets in the way of best laid plans.

But even though it wasn't quite what I was expecting, in some ways, it was better than I thought.
To be able to wake up in his arms twice, to tick morning sex off the bucket list, to introduce Sir to some of my family, to meet friends of his, to laugh at things in the sex shop, to just be a 'normal' couple for a little while, was something I didn't even know how much I would enjoy.

I have blogged in the past that my ex-Master got a part of me no one else did, and I stand by that statement.
He did.
He no longer gets that part of me.

Instead, I found that there is more that I can give, things I have taken for granted, things I used to do a LONG time ago, that were never appreciated, taken for granted, are now the same little things that I can, will, and want to do again.
I was taught to appreciate my inner slut.
Now I revel in it.

Knowing I can walk around naked, all the bits of me that are pre-loved, used and worn with age are not only liked, but appreciated and loved.

I am different with Sir than I have been with others.
I cannot sit next to him and not touch him in some way, it may only be a hand on the leg, or a brush or arms, but there is a need inside me to touch.
Sitting at his feet, while having coffee with my family.....not a big deal to most, and yet to me, Fucking awesome. My family think nothing of me sitting on the floor, it is a place they find me often, and yet they cannot know how 'right' it felt for me to be there, at HIS feet.
I can do the little things, get a drink without asking, I can see by the look on his face when he needs to be touched, hugged, kissed. There is a connection there like I have never known before.
And yet when we are alone, I get to be his dirty little slut.
I do not have to be ashamed of the things I want, of the fact that I love the way he fucks me, touches me, leaves me marked.

This upcoming week will be a test for me.
I have always had to be the strong one, do things for myself, take care of things.
I am not used to being looked after, not sure when the last time was I could admit that I wasn't ok.
I have surgery this week.
Up to a week in hospital, then another full week of bed rest.
I am looking forward to being better. Not fixed completely, but better than I am now.
No more daily pain.
No more bleeding.
No more worry about having to be careful where I go, what I do, and whether or not I have a bag and the things I need with me 'just in case'

I am a lucky girl.
To be able to give everything I have always wanted to give, to someone I love, trust, respect, honour and adore, and to know that it is appreciated, and those things are returned to me......there are no words to explain how that makes me feel.

I shared my blog this morning with Sir, while we were laying in bed.
I have waited to show him, I wanted to do it in person, to explain my journey, to let him know that this is where I do my thinking, to explain why there haven't been many blog posts lately.
I knew I could do all this over the phone, or online, but I didn't want to.
Much like telling him that I had fallen in love with him, it wasn't something I wanted to drop casually into the conversation, nor something I wanted to do from a distance.
I wanted to do it while I was safe in his arms.
I inherently knew that he would understand.
The fact he has someone in his past who he loves, but is not 'in love' with means it is easier to share my journey with him. I know he will understand. And the majority of it, I had already told him in some form or another.
Sir knows about my ex-Master, knows how much I am grateful of all the things he taught me, it is because of him, that I am the way I am. How can I not appreciate that?


But this is different.

This is Love, our life together, with a dash or 5 of kink to spice it up.
We might be a long way apart in terms of distance, but this is no LDR.
We plan on having as much time together as we can, whether it be vanilla with kids, or 'just us' or kinky and out and out dirty, slutty, forbidden, glorious fun on our own.

The thing that sticks in my mind the most is...

I was married, and could sit here with my ex in the same room and I was lonely.

Now I am with Sir, and I can sit here alone, but I am never lonely.

counting down....

There are people who come and go in your life for a reason, some for a long time, others just a moment.
If you are open, every single person will teach you something, maybe good, possibly hurt you, but a lesson is learnt in everything.

I met a guy, who I blogged about in my last post.

I am now on the countdown to see him in person.

19 hours and 50 minutes and I will be standing there in the flesh.
Able to see him, hear his voice, be held in his arms.

We have met before, it is not like this is the first time ever, but this time I have no fear of being able to share the way I feel, I can look at him and let him read in my eyes, see on my face the effect he has on me.

I am counting down until I can touch him, make sure the feelings I have are real, solid, and that he is there and not just words on a screen making me wish for things that are unreachable.

Is this all about BDSM??

No, this is about life, about finding the person who matches me, who fits me, who treats me the way I need to be treated, who makes me happier than I have known.

This is completely different from the last D/s.
I knew before I started that, it would never be forever, that it was kink first and other things second.

This is different.
Do I want to be in his bed? Yes
Do I want to be tied up and fucked within an inch of my life? Yes
Do I want to be bound, teased, touched, and hurt? Yes
Do I want to be on my knees in front of him? Yes

But more than all those, I want to be in his arms. I want to watch him walk around the house. I want to sit on the vanity and watch him shave, I want to be able to make his coffee, I want his lips on my forehead.

Life has already thrown up a couple of challenges for us.
The upcoming surgery that will put any kind of penetrative relationship on hold for 8 weeks or so.
Him moving house, which means more distance between us than there is now.

These are challenges we intend on facing together. Holding hands. Being there for each other. Knowing we each have the support from the other.

This is about us first and D/s second.
Neither of us can do vanilla anymore, kink will play a big part in our lives I am sure, but it is not all about the kink.

This is life.

And I am counting down. 19 hours and 38 minutes until I am safe in his arms.

I want what you are....

There is an old saying about finding what you are looking for when you stop looking.

I believe it.

Not sure I did before, but I do now.

When He and I split, released, whatever the technical term for it is....when we did that, we stayed in contact, but I went looking. Call it replacing Him, whatever you like..I wasn't trying to replace Him, but I did miss the control, and the other things.

I quickly found out that the majority of the guys I spoke to were idiots and fucktards, and seemingly I was submissive to Him only.

I changed my Fetlife profile from that of a submissive, back to a kinkster.
I defined myself on my profile as best I could, being as honest as I could.

I had a couple of messages, but they amounted to nothing.

After New Years Eve, I decided that I would leave everything on the backburner until after my operation, until I was healthy again.
I was having a semi undefinable, unexplainable relationship with a Dom interstate.
He needed kink but didnt need the physical, and I needed the control and my health wouldnt allow the physical....worked for us as silly as it might seem.

In the meantime, I was still heading to events where I can, meeting new people, having a great time making new friends and loving the Aussie summer with my kids on holidays.

At one of these events, I met a guy.

A Dom.

He was there with his play partner.

I knew her, she introduced us.

I also knew she played with others besides him, that their relationship wasnt committed, but there was love, trust and caring between them.

In all honesty, I tried to avoid him that night as much as possible.
I had this complete and utter attraction to him...something I dont think I have felt in a LONG time.

I blogged before how I had a complete and utter TRUST for my ex Master when we met, but this guy was different.

I wanted to drag him out of that event, out to anywhere I could and get my hands on each and every part of his body and never let go.
I was never going to poach him from my friend, I didnt even flirt, although it was DAMN hard not to when all I wanted to do was fuck him sideways and upside down.

Little did I know that she had told him to check me out, that she said to him I was nice.... I think she may have been playing matchmaker.

It worked.

He and I have chatted about everything under the sun since  the week following that event, I was honest in that I was not well and needed surgery, his response was....

"I don't want what you can offer, I want what you are"

My heart skipped a beat and it hasn't been the same since.

I will keep you posted on what comes next....but I am pretty sure I know where we are headed, and seemingly it can't happen fast enough for either of us.

Safe in his arms..

He takes me by the hand, leads me into a darkened room, stopping in the middle.

Still holding my hand - he faces me...kissing my forehead, a gentle pressure on my shoulder pushing downwards.

Instantly I kneel on the floor at his feet, his hand brushing my hair as it passes his fingertips, our fingers slipping apart slowly.

He stands behind me, a blindfold slipped over my eyes gently.

Music begins from an unknown place, calming, serene, the blindfold and the music combining to send me into a relaxed state.

He kneels in front of me, his hand brushing gently across my cheek, one finger tracing the features on my face.

I can only imagine what he sees...a submissive woman, kneeling before him, knowing she gives him all of her self, that no matter what he chooses to do with her, that she will still feel the same for him afterwards, that he has her complete trust to take what he wishes.

He touches me gently in many places, my shoulders, neck, face, breasts, thighs, always gently, softly, caressing and teasing.

One finger lifts my chin and he kisses me....touching our lips together softly.

He stands, pulling me gently to my feet to stand naked before him.

I feel him lift my hands high above my head, fastening them to the restraints in the ceiling.

I now stand naked, arms high above my head, nipples hard, wetness glistening on my thighs, feet apart and his for the taking.

He runs the flogger gently over my back, the touch of the leather on my skin making me shiver.

The music plays on, as my head rolls gently from side to side in anticipation of what is coming... knowing no matter what happens next, the night will finish with me safe in his arms.

Bound to the chair..

He leads me by the hand to the centre of the room.

There is a chair. It is settled right in the middle of the room, centred, as if waiting for a spotlight to be shone onto it.

The house is quiet, he says little to me, as he walks to the corner.
He reaches into a bag and turns back to face me, rope in hand.

I look from the rope to his face, back to the rope and again to his face.

He gives nothing away with his expressions, but I know there is a calm about him tonight that I do not often see, this calm almost frightens me. If the trust wasnt there, I would be seriously worried.

I cock my head, watching him, reading his body, watching his movements.

I smile, I have realised what is different..... tonight he is in total control.

Whether I like it or not, tonight is for him, about what he wants, when he wants....his dominance has burst through.

He walks towards me, I look up at him, he has the rope in his hands and a look of total control on his face.

He firmly pushes me to the chair, making me sit, naked, legs open.

He binds me with the rope....across my breasts and stomach, tying me to the chair, stopping occasionally to pull on my hard nipples, twisting the piercings.

The feel of the rope across my skin is sensual, yet firm and binding, I cannot move and yet the more rope he uses, the wetter I am getting.

It is not long before the chair beneath me has a small puddle, leaking from between my open legs...

He walks from the room, coming back minutes later with another chair.

He places the chair in front of mine...facing each other, about 5 feet apart.

He sits, watching me, saying nothing.

I begin to wriggle, wanting something, not knowing what he has planned.

He opens his jeans, taking his cock out, showing it to me, showing me how hard it is, but still says nothing.

He begins to stroke it, watching me the whole time. I cannot take my eyes off his cock, watching his stroke it turns me on...it wishes it was me being allowed to stroke it, touch it, worship it.

It is not long before he stands, walking towards me, he runs his hand up and down the shaft right before my eyes.... occasionally wiping it across my cheek, letting the tip brush my lips, and yet the minute my tongue comes out for a taste, he moves it out of reach.

My pussy is aching, feeling empty, it is clenching looking for something inside it, wanting that cock buried deep.

He takes hold of my ponytail, holding my head at a strange angle, showing me that I am there for his use, his playtoy tonight.

He uses one hand to tap his cock against my lips, letting me taste him, my tongue slipping into the slit on the tip, tasting the precum, wishing for more.

He takes hold of my jaw, opening my mouth, holding my head still as I look up at him.

He pushes his cock deep to the back of my throat, gagging me, making me choke. He holds it there, showing me it is HIS choice how this will happen, when HE is ready, on HIS terms.

He alternates between letting me worship his cock with my tongue and lips to taking control and face fucking me, pushing it deep, making sure the drool drips from my chin, my eyes black with the makeup tears.

His voice is in my ear as his cock is in my throat, telling me all the things he wants to do to me, how he intends to use me, take me, make me his.

He takes control again, moving back to look at my face while he jerks himself off in front of me...looking at the damage he has done, the tear trails, the precum wiped all over my cheeks, the drool on my chin and dripping down onto my breasts....it is like he is surveying the damage, to see if I can be pushed further.

I am desperate for his cock, I am after all, his little cum slut, never getting enough of him, the taste of him, his cum in me, on me, tasting it, wearing it, watching it...I cannot get enough.

He feeds me his cock once more, making sure that he can see my eyes as it pushes down the back of my throat, choking me, my eyes beginning to water once again.....

He pulls back..his hand holding my chin, forcing my head upwards, as he cums on my face...leaving me wearing the evidence of his control, and leaving me in a puddle, bound to the chair.

untitled writing 4 continued.....

The rhythm of the 2 cocks inside her make the wetness run faster down her thighs, the drool running down her chin, they are using her, taking from her what they wish.
The cock in her pussy is fucking her hard, pounding, his hands alternating between gripping her hips and slapping her arse cheeks, maintaining the redness her Sir had left there earlier.

Both cocks suddenly leave her, she gasps for air and moans, wishing they had given her more.

Hands touch her body, moving her, positioning her, making her straddle the stranger, his cock disappearing again into her pussy, as she is pushed forwards, Sir's hands pinching and twisting her nipples.

Sirs voice is in her ear, telling her to ride the cock hard as his hands play all over her body.
She feels a cold wetness against her arse. She gasps, knowing Sir has just lubed her arse for his cock.

A finger enters her arse as the cock she sits on thrusts hard up into her. She bites her bottom lip, knowing this is something she has always wanted to try and never had the opportunity.
One finger becomes two, and they slide in and out of her, finger fucking her arse, getting her ready for his cock.
Sir leans down, biting her shoulder,  sinking his teeth into her deep, as his cock enters her arse.

She groans in pain as they push her limits.
She feels full, they settle there, not moving, allowing her to adjust to the cocks buried deep inside her.
She takes deep breaths, knowing their patience will not last much longer.
Sir's teeth bite back into her shoulder as the strangers hands move to pluck her nipples, and their cocks begin to move again.

She closes her eyes, reaching up and backwards, placing her arms around Sir's neck as she lets Him lead her on this new and wonderful journey.......

MY journey...

I sat down to write about my beginning to a New Year and the hopes I have for this year.
Before I began to write, I read through _sub_girls post titled 2011.
Her honesty, her bluntness, her hopes, her dreams make her what she is, a beautiful, gorgeous, mixed up, kinky slut who I have come to call a very close friend.
There is nothing I can't tell her, often I go to her for advice, both on my BDSM journey and my body and its reactions to things. I love her dearly and if you haven't found her blog....you should.
You can find it here


2011

I look back to this time last year, I bought in the New Year with my kids, at a party with friends. A newly single mum, loving having time with my kids, determined to explore my life a little more.
Never did I expect that within days of that New Year that I would meet someone who would change my life in so many ways. Make me think of things so differently. Make me look at my everyday life in a such a different way. He would take me on a journey of self discovery, of self learning, help me find those things that I had buried deep inside me, bring them to the surface, and most importantly show me how to enjoy them.

Last year I would never have admitted that I masturbated...not only do I admit it now, I tweet about it, I tell people... I mean I dont just walk up and include it in a conversation, but neither do I hide it.
I am much less sexually repressed than I was a year ago.
I enjoy sex more.
I enjoy being a dirty slut with the right person.
I like all the forbidden things..

I am also less shy about telling people what it is I want. Communication is a much different word for me than it was a year ago.

I have ventured out and about, getting out there in the kink scene, meeting new people. Like minded people. People who know I can be that dirty slut, who know what I am like away from family and my kids.

Last night I bought in the New Year at a BDSM club.
Just before midnight I had my back scratched, leaving me bringing in the new year with my back burning from the welts his fingernails had left on my skin. There is something about sensation play that leaves me more excited than most other kinds of play.
The New Year was bought in with me surrounded by friends, close friends, new friends, old friends, but ultimately on my own with friends. No special someone to stand by me, kiss me at midnight, hold me close and tell me that we would have a wonderful New Year together, and you know what??
That's OK.
I was super happy standing there on the strike of midnight.

2012

This is the year that I am going to really travel my journey. I am going to try as many different things as I can, as safely as I can. I am opening myself up to other men, men I would have never considered the possibility of having any sort of relationship with.
It has started with a new name for the blog, a small name change for me.

This is the beginning of MY journey!

I was so determined that this year would be different for me, that literally within an hour of the new year beginning, I pushed myself outside my comfort zone and ended up looking like this....

admittedly my clothes were still on, and I know my hands were parallel to the floor, palms to elbows but it shows you the idea. I was then unceremoniously marched through the club with a big 6'4" Dom pushing me using the "handle" of rope on my back. I was bent over and spanked in front of others, playfully, but the hits were still hard enough to sting. I had 2 women run their hands all over my breasts, all the while I was hoping they would get their fingers inside my dress and tug on my nipple piercings.
And I have no shame in admitting that while being untied, the rope sensually pulled from its knots, slipped across my skin, teased across the front of my breasts that I was wet....dripping wet and I was more than ready to find someone to take me home and fuck me.
But I can wait.
I cant wait til there is someone worthy of having my submission, having my body, having me as his own personal slut, on my knees begging him for his cock in my mouth, in my arse, in my pussy.
He is out there.
I may have met him last night.
Or he could be the person who I will meet soon.

I dont know, all I know is that 2012 will be the start of a journey of my own, in my normal Sassy style.
Blunt
To the point
Out there
Honest
With cheek and a smile.

And I am looking forward to meeting him, where ever he might be.

I give good wordage!!

I received some advice a little while ago from a wonderful friend who told me to STOP LOOKING, and just make the effort to get involved in the local kink scene, or as local as I felt comfy with, make some friends, and just enjoy having a good time.


I pondered that advice for all of about, maybe a day.... two at most.


Then I went to my personal ad I had previously posted and Thanked everyone for their comments, remarked I have not found what I wanted, but knew now what it is that I actually do want....I think!


I do want to stop looking.
I did make the effort to get a little more involved in the local kink scene...sorta, kinda, maybe.
I made my first set of local kinky friends....we had a wonderful 3 hours having coffee, chatting, getting to know each other a little better.


I have also had a new influx in messages.....why I do not know...but I have.


Some I can tell are just chatting, some are friends of the kinky friends, some are strangers wanting a quick wank fest, some are outright bizarre, but in the last 2 weeks, I have had more messages than I have had since I began... all added together.


I have phone numbers, one I am pondering on using, the others I didn't even write down.


I have been called, adorable, sexy, precious, cute, complicated, sassy (now there is a surprise NOT) and a whole host of other names.
I have been told my pics on there range from just ok, to downright fuckable.


The biggest compliment I have had so far???


I was told I "give good wordage"


I am pretty sure that means I give as good as I get ;p


And I am possibly going to my first event tonight...... *bites fingernails*


Now.....what the fuck do I wear?????

As good as the Hitachi????

I have become quite the twitter addict...not to sure whether that is good or bad yet, thats a decision still pending.
But I am having a lot of fun with it, and I have met some amazing people, some good, some great, some just complete morons, but I still follow them as I am usually quite amused at the dumb shit they post.

One I have actually met in person, and hope our coffee date was just one of many more to come.

The majority of the people I follow, and who follow me are from other countries, which sometimes makes me think I was born on the wrong continent, but thems the breaks I guess.

_sub_girl was one of the reasons I joined twitter. She pretty much kept at me, reminding me on the odd occasions we catch up for our coffee/wine skype dates that it was fun and a good way to meet people, and I had read her blog for a while at that point, also following her tweets just from a bar at the side of her blog.

So I did it.

And I love it.

My phone now hates me, as I seem to run it out of battery a lot quicker than I used to, always checking and tweeting depending on work and the mood.

This morning I volunteered to become a sex toy reviewer for a company who posted on twitter saying they had a special toy and they were wondering who was game enough to try it. I did a quick look at the link and said I would try it, send pics and write a review if they would like me to. Only problem was, when I read the size of the product, I forgot that we Aussies work in metric and these measurements were in Imperial!!!
Soooooo, while 17 sounds like fun, when it is in inches and NOT centimetres there is a HUGE difference, and I am thinking next time I offer to review a specific product, that I should do so AFTER the second coffee, not before the first!!

But....living in a small town with no easy access to any sort of sex shop without at least a one hour drive, being a reviewer sounds like a great way for me to earn my toys for Master to torture me with, rather than having to save and wait til a trip to the city.

Just please be aware of one thing.........If they happened to send me a toy as good as my hitachi...I may never get out of bed EVER AGAIN......not even to eat!

Butt Plugs and Hitachi's...

I have decided to get a little healthier, walk more often, eat better, that kind of thing.

NO actual diet so to speak, just a get ready for summer, bikini, trim down kinda thing.

So yesterday I said to Master I was going for a walk.

I was told that He had thought about making me wear the butt plug while I went, but this time I could just remove panties and go commando under the pants instead.

The damn kids distracted me, and about 10 minutes into the walk, I thought OH FUCK!!.

Panties were still on.

I debated about finding a public toilet, or other secluded area to remove them, but since I had a child with me, I decided against it, and just continued on with the walk.

When I returned home, I admitted that I had forgotten to remove them as I had been instructed to.

Damn that gene I have which doesnt allow for white lies or a slight misleading of the truth. I KNEW if I didnt admit to forgetting, that I would lay awake later in the night, until it got the better of me and I would have gotten out of bed, sent an email admitting to the fact that I had forgotten, and then I would be in SOOO much trouble for not admitting to it at the time, that punishment would be worse, so I just did it. I admitted I forgot.

I was then swiftly instructed to go and place the medium sized butt plug in.
Which, by the way, has been named Mr Burrows.
I have a Master Burrows, a Mr Burrows, and a PAPA Burrows, who is the DADDY of all butt plugs, or so my arse thinks. I am pretty sure I cringe when I even look at it in the toy bag.

I was also instructed to sit on a chair, or other surface every 5 minutes and bounce up and down.

I can hear you say "What the FUCK??"

I said that too, but I also know better than to argue, so instead I said "Yes Master" and did as I was told.

I will add at this stage, that for some unknown and highly unusual reason, I havent really been horny for about 2 weeks, which is when I saw Master last. And even more unusual is, I havent masturbated in all that time.

So to my surprise, this bouncing on the edge of the bed (due to children in every other available room) had me dripping wet and horny in about 3 bounces.

Anal sex is not one of the things I crave the most, and even as little as 3 months ago, was a dreaded thing at best. But one of those things I did JUST to please HIM.

This time I was aching for it, the feeling of this plug filling my arse, which is reserved for Master, and sitting at just such an angle that it moved as I bounced, slowly gliding in and out, and I soon worked out that if I tilted my hips at just the moment, that every time I moved downwards, that it caused my pussy to clench and before too long I was on the verge of my very first anal orgasm.

My 5 minutes bouncing was up, and I reported back as per normal, but added that all of a sudden I was horny, and I if in the case, that it seemed as if I had disappeared, that I could be found bouncing on the bed and was intending to let dinner burn until I had gotten myself off.

Wrong move.

The following instruction then appeared.

"well tonight you will make the aquaintance of the hitachi and whilst wearing the medium butt plug, fuck that cunt of yours hard until you come, thinking of your Masters cock in your arse"

Ohhhhhhhhhh Boy.

That statement alone had my pussy clenching that hard that I nearly came while standing there.

The thought of His cock in me, and the Hitachi on my clit, had me shivering, shaking, and wondering how soon I could bribe the kids into going to bed, or whether I might be able to lock them in a room with loud music to cover the noise of the Hitachi and the sound of me moaning.

Bedtime came, the porn got turned on, and I was set and ready to come, and determined to come hard.

Towel down ( I have been turned into a squirter) Hitachi plugged in, Butt plug at the ready, and I was set.

I was still wet from the earlier session with the butt plug, so I used the juices still running from me to lube the plug, and got it inserted. I also started playing with the hitachi, but was yet to switch it on, I was enjoying the porn I had on, before long I got to the point I flipped that switch.......

Within ohhhh, about a minute, maybe a minute and a half later, I unexpectedly found myself squirmed to the top of the bed, with my head pressed against the bed head, the Hitachi buried deep inside me, the butt plug half out of me and a uncontrollable urge to see if I could make myself cum again straight away.

4 orgasms later, I came back to earth, with the Hitachi vibrating on the bed between my legs, and the butt plug no where to be found.

I had all good intentions of getting up afterwards, and typing a post for the blog while the details were fresh and the pleasure still rolling through me, but after 5 orgasms in about the same amount of minutes, I was not leaving that bed for anything, and was all of a sudden glad Master wasnt there to make me get up and get Him something, cos all I managed to do was switch the tv off, push the hitachi off the side of the bed to land on the floor, and I rolled over and passed out.

I am pretty sure they werent anal orgasms, but I am now certainly looking forward to finally having one, something I never thought would ever happen, and if I truly think about it, I am pretty sure that anal sex was on the list of soft limits.......wonder how that happened......

horny and wanting....

An aching pussy.

A throbbing clit.

The feeling of needing to be filled.

Mouth watering at the thought of His cock filling it.

Arse clenching in readiness of the feeling of His hand spanking me hard.

I have not cum in 4 days.

And I am not allowed to cum before I see Him next.

I am wishing it was tomorrow.

I am dripping in readiness for Him to treat me how He wishes to.

I am horny to the point that if I wriggle just right in my tight jeans, that I think it may tip me over the edge.

I should have worn panties today, instead I have the seam of these jeans resting on the super sensitive clit thats begging for me to rub at it, pinch it, place the hitachi on it.....just something, anything that will make me cum, and yet I resist.

Because I was told not to.

I have no doubt that tomorrow morning I will wake up with my hand between my legs, rubbing at my clit.

Luckily its winter here in Australia and I can wear pj's that may stop me playing to the point I cum as I wake.

control me...

For some reason, I have had control on the brain since Friday last week when I was ordered to wear the butt plug out to a lunch date with my mother.


I also had "Master's Cunt" written across the pubic bone above a freshly waxed pussy.


I was horny all day.


I have had horny moments over the last 7 weeks, but I havent spent a WHOLE day horny like that since before Master went away.


It got me thinking about control....and I am not entirely sure I can effectively explain the thoughts going on in my head, but I will give it my best shot.


Control...as per a dictionary is listed as...
1. To exercise authoritative or dominating influence over; direct.
2. To adjust to a requirement; regulate: 
3. To hold in restraint; check: 
4. To reduce or prevent the spread of: 


Well, there is no denying Master does the first, anyone else who told me to wear a butt plug would get told to fuck off quick smart.


The second is my job I guess, although I had never actually though about it like that before.


The third is part of my submission, that I am held, and hold myself in restraint e.g Holding my sassy mouth shut.


I am not sure the fourth holds much meaning in what I have had in my head lately, but I am sure it must fit in there somewhere. All it brings to mind is wearing a face mask to prevent the spread of some exotic yet deadly cough or some such thing.


Master exercising His Dominance over me in small ways, is seemingly (from MY point of view only) more appealing and makes it easier for me to FEEL owned.
When I have writing over my body, while at work, serving customers who have no idea that this "normal" looking middle aged woman turns into a dirty slut, who has "nasty" words written all over her body, who has wet panties from being turned on all day knowing she is pleasing someone miles away just by doing as asked without complaint, it makes my breath come faster, it makes me wetter, and it makes me smile.
It is the same when I get an unexpected order in the middle of a day to do something "naughty" and they can be as simple as taking a pic with my phone while at work, hiding in the bathroom and knowing I have to rub my clit for X time and not cum, to wear a butt plug out in public....the all invoke the same reactions....an adrenaline hit...a rush.....again, its like the addict in me getting a hit.


Even something as simple as being told to not wear panties on a particular day, its all the same. It is a hit, a rush.


When I dont get any sort of control...I get itchy...like I am craving something and not sure what will ease it.
There is nothing I can do to help myself ease the craving, there is no magic word/food/drink/task/mantra or anything else. Even speaking to other Doms doesnt ease it, depending on who they are, they can do one of two things...they can either distract me long enough that I forget I am craving it (good to point out here, that forgetting will only last the length of the conversation, its not a FORGET forget) OR they are idiot Doms who I tell to get lost and then the cravings intensify, all because I remember how wonderful He is and that it is HIM that owns me, and therefore controls me.


I am under no illusions that each of my tasks are there for a specific purpose, whether it be teaching me to look at things from a different point of view, to make me sit and think about my reaction to something, and how it could have been different, to get me horny, or more importantly to please Master in ways I am still yet to understand.


Of all the things I think about, WHY it pleases Master is often the LAST thing I think about, the why is not as important to me as the HAVE, as in I HAVE pleased Him.


I can look back now...with having had 2 weeks contact with Master since his return, that the control was one of  the things I missed the most....and that a lot of my issues over His emails, were not because they werent long and lengthy, full of news about far away places I couldnt see, it was because in the back of my mind, each time I saw there was an email there,

 I had a hope that it would contain something that would control me.