Never say Never......

Before Christmas, my grandfather was visiting.

He is a wonderful man, as I am sure most people's grandfathers are if they are lucky enough to have them.
This hasn't been a great year for him. Earlier in the year, he lost the love of his life. My Grandmother.

Mind you, they had a  long and wonderful life together.

Gramma was 97 when she died.
Pop is 86.

I used to tease Gramma she was a cougar. I remember the first time I called her that, I had to explain it to her.
I don't really know how effective my explanation was as she then just commented to me,

 'Don't know about that, All I know is I loved him'

Even in the last few days, Gramma and Pop had photos taken together.
When Mum showed me, I can remember saying to her....

'You can see the love....How much in love they still are, even after all these years.'

Pop is still the same Pop I had before, but without the love of his life now.

He asked me before Christmas when he was visiting, when I planned on getting married again.

The old fashioned part of him refuses to accept I can do anything I like without having to have a husband to 'look after me' so to speak.
He knows I am very independent. He knows I like having my own time, doing things as I please.

I can remember thinking to myself, there is no point in saying to Pop that I would never get married again, that the marriage I had just ended, left me disillusioned about the whole idea.
I could get no communication, ordinary vanilla sex and no love from strangers...why would I want to tie myself to that??
Best I was hoping for was someone I could be with when I had no kids, who cared for me, would be happy to tie me up and spank me, fuck me silly and shove his cock down my throat. And someone who would go home to their own house and leave me to have the space I wanted without the whinging that they were being ignored mid week, or that on the weekends I had the kids, that I gave my time to the kids and not to them.

My last few blog posts have told the tale of me falling in love, starting a new journey, recently collared, always owned and other wonderful soppy romantic things.
I have touched on the kink, but my surgery has made that hard. Hard for us to work out how to have the kink we need in our lives as well as hard for me to deal with, that this is something that I am causing.

Yes Sir, you can stop growling now that it is not my fault, I get that.
I love you Sir.
But it is my body that has the restrictions placed on it.
I am the one who is limited to the things I can do.
They are both facts.
Another fact.... I KNOW you are ok with it.
But it frustrates me, as you have seen this weekend, when I was

 'begging you like a 15 year old school girl to "just put the tip in, no one will know"'

The very fact that 10 days post op, that I was tied, bound, blindfolded and made to cum, makes me smile  like a fucking idiot.
And only partly over the orgasm bit.
I also had the crop over my arse this weekend.

"Fucking Arsehole" is not an acceptable thing to call Sir, even after the torturing and teasing he was inflicting on me.

Lesson learnt. rubs arse in recollection


But the whole point of the blog post is....

Because Pop would never have understood why I was never going to even contemplate the possibility of ever getting married ever again... I told him that I would only ever think about it...

'IF I meet someone who loves me as much as you loved Gramma. IF I find someone who I think will still love me when I am 90. Then I will think about it...until then, I am fine just as I am'

You know how sometimes you say things...only to have them jump up and bite your arse.....yup, feels like this could possibly be one of those times.