3 small things....

In a conversation with a friend today, we discussed her views on BDSM, and all that encompasses.
For her, there is 3 definable aspects, Psychological, Physical and Domestic.

The physical comes with and/or without sex dependant on who she is playing with. (As far as I know, Hubs is reserved the right to the sex part.) It can be beatings, spankings, needles and other assorted things, but it is not the act as such, more the mind space the actions place her in.

The domestic is something I have had little experience with. It is the responsibilities of maintaining her home. Being expected to do certain things around the house, or as she puts it "making sure she is not an all around lazy fuck"

The psychological is the ability to allow someone to play inside your mind. And finding someone who is a. actually able to stimulate you enough psychologically, and b. be someone you trust enough to allow to roam around in there can be a monumental effort in itself.

She feels lost because she finds herself in a place where she is getting bits and pieces of those things from varying places, in differing people.

It got me thinking..... Is it possible to get all three components from one person?

I am sure somewhere, someone has all three in their lives, but are they completely fulfilled with what they have? or are they so desensitised to kink and all things BDSM that they too crave something more?

I get the physical...with sex.
I am curious as to what the physical may be like without sex, but I don't play with others, so that is something I will discuss with Sir.

The domestic I get a touch of in a bizarre kind of way.
Between Sir and I, we have 5 kids, so I am always conscious of cleaning as I go when they are all around, I am also just as happy to sit on the couch and fold His washing when we are alone and He is watching TV or playing on the interwebz with the boys.
My one and only task domestic wise is to change the doona (quilt) covers. It is Sir's pet hate, which makes me feel useful, which it a trigger for me to feel like I have pleased Him.
But ultimately, because we do not share a house, my house is my responsibility and He feels that His house is His responsibility.

The psychological, well that is a hard one for me.
While I am very aware that Sir will always be one step ahead of me in this department, I sometimes feel like that part is something I don't have outside the times we play.
I am probably wrong (usually am) He probably plays with my head so gently I don't even see it, or He (as suggested to me) may be playing in such a manner that it is building slower than I have been used to, OR I am right (there's a first) and He isn't dipping in there at all unless we are playing.

Which brings me to having a D/s relationship over a distance, and the 'in-between' times.

I have blogged many a time about being controlled, feeling it, and the days where I struggle. My last post was about me feeling like I am missing something.

It is the control. But it is also the mind fuck. And by mind fuck, I don't mean hours of talk, or pushing boundaries, for me it can be as simple as

"Go write X on your tits and text/email me a pic, you have 15 minutes"

or

"Get the buttplug and wear it to collect the kids from school"

or

"Masturbate for as long as it takes you to get to the edge, then text me for permission to cum"

or

anything He chooses that I can physically do that puts me in the submissive mind set.

To me, the mind fuck is the trigger that switches me from the capable, assertive, intelligent woman I am, to the submissive woman.
It can be one sentence - typed, emailed,  a few words - spoken, whispered or yelled, or it can be long conversations.

It is the content, and the person behind the content, not the act.

A stranger can tell me to send a pic of my tits and they get a 'fuck off' in response.

If Sir said it, I would melt, hurry to obey and feel all squishy and clenchy inside in an instant.

The whole thing is a journey of learning.
What grossed me out and pushed my boundaries a year ago, now seems like an everything day to do and doesn't provide the spark of breathless excitement it used to. Part of that is that before...everything was new and like a honeymoon phase of a relationship, everything is new and exciting. And the other part of that is I have come to love things that I thought I would hate. And the breathless excitement used to be with fear, and now it is a sigh of pleasure at what is to come.

I don't think everyone can find all the things they need in the ways they wish it from the one person.. I think it is about compromise. Finding the things you HAVE to have, getting those from the person you love the most and compromising on the rest.

The few things I will never compromise on are

a. Sir in my life, by my side, and in my heart.
b. Being someone's priority and not an option.
c. Being valued for who and what I am.

Thank God those are things I have in my life now.
Even on the bad days, those things make me smile.