I am His slut....

There is nothing like the impending loss of someone wonderful in your life to make you think about things.

I have someone very important to me, terminally ill, and as of today, they are not expected to live more than the next 24 hours.

It is making me reflect on my life, what I have done with it, how I have made that person proud of me, what I want in the future and what comes next.

I know, over the next little while, I am having to cope with being a single parent, with both children involved in various sports and hobbies, I have my job, my volunteer work, and for a little while, I have extra work on top, and I do all this knowing I am fitting in a funeral before too long.

For the last week, I have been the emotional woman that I am normally NOT.
I have cried at the drop of a hat.
Even typing that sentence is bringing tears to my eyes, and I am FAR from the girly girl who cries at the toilet paper ad's on TV.

D/s is my release. It allows me to be the hidden me, the me that no one sees day to day.
Having a session with Master allows me to hand over all control to someone I trust. All the bills, kids, life worries and everything else can get left at the door, and for those few hours,  I can just be told, ordered, asked, please, beg and submit to His every whim.
There is no yelling, no washing, no bills to be paid, no one to chauffeur around to a football game or what not.
There is just Him and me, and whatever the mood brings.

Of all the times I DONT  have time to fit in a session, this is the time I REALLY want one.

All I want to do is give up that control, forget the outside world, forget trying to work at one place and run a business on the side, forget I have responsibilities. Forget that sometime soon I have to say goodbye to someone I love dearly.

With all that is going on in my life, it is getting harder and harder to remember I am His kitty, tasks are not something I am expecting, Master knows how totally insane my life is at the moment, some days I feel like I dont have 5 minutes to scratch my arse, let alone lock myself in a room to take pics, or to masturbate for X amount of time, and while I am eternally grateful of His understanding, I am also missing tasks. They are the reminder for me that I am HIS kitty, when I can't be near Him physically. I know He has different motivation behind the tasks, and the end result is always for His pleasure, seeing me do different things, knowing I am doing as asked, whatever the case may be, but for me, besides that I do them to please Him, I also do them to remind me of what I am.

I am His submissive slut.

I am the strong one, I am the one every one loads with tasks so they can have their moment to grieve, I am the one who does everything, I am the one who can't and doesn't say no to helping them, I am the one who holds it all together, maintaining a brave face, letting them do what they need to, I am the one everyone turns to, but for Him, I am just His slut, His kitty, His submissive, and I can be NOT the one in control.

In this horrid time of having to take control over so many things, all I am wishing for is to be able to give up that control......just for a little while.