After reading _sub_girl's blog post about being a guest on the Love Bite I sat and listened, and loved it.
Besides the fact it was nice to hear her voice, it is not often I actually get to hear her, but she is the queen of pinpointing unmet needs. Both her own and others.
There have been a few times where she has gently and sometimes not so gently pointed facts out to me I was unwilling to admit, showing me where I had needs that were not met, needs that would never be met.
Combine that podcast with having a weekends at Sir's which began with me not being allowed to touch or kiss Him, which I was told to strip naked, and ate dinner that way while Sir was fully clothed and before long I was self evaluating what my needs were as compared to wants.
I want His control
I want to be His fucktoy
I NEED to be able to touch Him.
If I have to live without kink, I can
If I have to live without control, I can
If I had to live without Him, that I cannot do.
I would survive, but it would be a miserable existence.
Since being there, I have started to listen to more of the podcasts from the Love Bite.
Being kinky, there is limited places I can listen to it in peace, I have taken to listening to it in bed, or after kids have gone to sleep at night. I even managed a little listening at work today while I had the office to myself. Some parts of it make me think about my submission, about whether I can do things a little differently than I have before, make it better in some way.
It may be infinitesimal to others, but if it makes a difference in a good way in our life, I don't care how small it is.
Some of the podcasts may not be my kink, but I will still listen, who knows, I may learn something unexpected, some of the bizarre things in life happen when you least expect it from all sorts of weird and wonderful places.
So I downloaded the whole lot, or the episodes I could so far at least, and have subscribed to the new ones that are sure to come. I found them here
I am not saying they are a teaching tool, I am just saying that I will be listening with interest, and if I hear something that relates to me, that points out to me a time and place where I can improve my submission to Sir, then I will be giving it a try.
My submission has changed over the past few months, not in a huge way, possibly not even in a way anyone else can see, but I can feel the changes. It comes more naturally, easier, and I honestly think it is as simple as knowing I have met my life partner, and that I can knowingly be submissive with Him and know I am safe no matter what.
I am not a bow and scrape type of gal, and Sir would be the first to tell you I have no issue with sharing my feelings, good or bad. But everything I do, I can do knowing that no matter what my opinion is, He will take my thoughts and feelings into consideration and make the decision that is best at the time.
The trust comes easily, even when He gets vicious and brutal and takes what He wants from me in a way that leaves me feeling well used. I know no matter how rough He gets, it would stop in an instant if He ever hurt me past what I can take, I know no matter how used I feel, I am always loved.
And the proof is in the pudding so to speak... Sunday morning Sir took what He wanted. 4 kids in the house, before coffee (even my kids don't speak to me until after coffee) and He just opened my legs, pulled my panties to the side and He fucked me. Before long we were off the bed and I was on my hands and knees on the floor, taken roughly from behind. There was nothing gentle about it, His fist was in my hair and He fucked me how He wanted. When He had enough, I was pulled by the hair to face Him and He came in my mouth. The whole time, Sir had this vicious look on His face, the one which warns me if I say something smart, that I will pay in a way that will ensure I learn a lesson from it. This was not about my pleasure, I was spanked twice...just enough to inflict pain and make that satisfying cracking sound, but not enough that I began to enjoy it, it was Him, His pleasure, taking what He wanted....and I loved every second of it.
As much as I have seen my submission change, I have seen His domination over me grow, seen Him become more comfortable in His role as the Alpha Man in our home.
This 24/7 relationship which involves D/s is a first for both of us, we are both feeling our way, neither of us have much to compare it to, but never have I felt so happy and content.
I have found my soul mate, and I am a lucky girl in that He is a kinky guy who loves to take control over me, but at the same time, let me be me, a strong submissive with a dominant personality who is quite capable of looking after herself.
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