Love for most people is a journey in and of itself. But ownership…it is more than a journey. It is being in that place that you’ve created for me. It is an avocation, a role, and a responsibility to you. It is being your other half, the softer half, the half that is under your hand and at your feet…the half that feels, that delights, that giggles, and that enjoys the moments with you. It is being your half that reflects you, accepts you, and finds joy with you. And it being your half that finds the peace in the moments, the happiness in the serving, and the delight of simply giving to you. It is being your half that exists in the simple delight of existing for you as my Owner, and it is pure, and it is what I was created to be.
I found this awesome writing on a blog, found through a link on Fetlife after following a friends comments.
UniqueRaven has a way with words that I admire, but what struck me most while avidly devouring her blog was the above words.
Ownership of someone is so very hard to explain, as is the feeling of knowing you are owned body and soul.
It becomes less of a want for me to be able to please for the sake of pleasing, and more of a need. It is not a concious need, it is an innate reaction, that is almost uncontrollable.
In the past it was a want, as in - I wanted to please, because it gained me a good reaction.
Now it is a need, something I can't control. And not necessarily all sexual needs, it is the whole gamut of a relationship.
It is being your other half, the softer half, the half that is under your hand and at your feet…the half that feels, that delights, that giggles, and that enjoys the moments with you. It is being your half that reflects you, accepts you, and finds joy with you.
These words are the way I feel about Sir. I am a whole person on my own, but I am also the other half of Him, together we can do anything.
I suggest a read of UnqiueRaven's blog, you can find it HERE and I have also linked it into my blog roll.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
You are a "Fucking Arsehole Sir"
About 10 days post op, I had the weekend with Sir.
We played a little, and considering the fact that I am not supposed to being having any kind of penetration, the play was very limited.
That and the fact that I had major abdominal surgery....it is all relevant, but to my eternal frustration, I was and still am feeling almost back to normal besides having little strength and tiring more easily.
The worst of feeling ok and not sick is that I forget that I am not supposed to do a lot of things.
I would have fucked the living daylights out of Sir, but He never forgets I am unwell and limits things.
On the Saturday we were laying on the bed, and to be honest, I am not sure how it started, but what seemed like eons later and having had Sir's fingers playing on my clit and on the verge of my pussy, teasing me, the frustration inside me built to a point that my mouth shot a load and I called Sir a "Fucking Arsehole"
Yup, not one of my brighter comments.
Out came the crop
And after one strike for every letter in "Fucking arsehole" my arse looked like this...
-001.JPG)
The both of us laughed.
This was not what I would have called punishment, more like a lesson learnt about getting my mouth in check while there is a crop handy.
The following weekend I travelled to see Sir again, this time with 2 kids in tow.
For those that know me in RL, they will know this is a huge deal for me, in the past I kept my kids well away from anything to do with my kink life.
This is not just about kink, this is us having a relationship, being in love and being a family.
Sir also had His kids for the weekend.
Sir + Me + Kids = 7
Just us and 5 kids.
I was not expecting a kink filled weekend.
Probably not expecting ANY kink if I am truly honest.
Friday night began with Beer and a Blow Job.
Saturday was kid day, followed by Sir taking one of the older kids out for the night and me having some fun with the younger ones at home.
More Cock worship for Sir when He came to bed.
Sunday Morning was hectic, kids were all up by 8, neither of us had enough sleep, kids decided that quiet was for children that lived elsewhere and acted accordingly, phones beeped and chirped with plans for the day and before long the frustration at knowing I had to pack up, leave, drive home and leave Sir got the better of me.
I got to a point where I felt like this
I am pretty sure that Sir noticed the mood and we were laying on the bed together, He began teasing me, only because of the frustrations my reaction to the teasing was not the normal one, I was in an odd mood, and not feeling particularly submissive.
I leaned over and said quietly "you are a Fucking Arsehole Sir"
I knew the minute I said it, that I would pay for it, but with 5 kids in the next room, what I didnt expect was Sir to bounce off the bed, and pick up a Cricket Bat, albeit a small, miniature size one and use it on my butt.
By the third whack all I wanted to do was scream Red, but in my head I knew I never would.
I was in no danger of being HURT, only being left in pain.
I would probably raise the attention of any or all of the 5 kids, which would create questions I have no desire to answer any time soon
AND I deserved it.
I was disrespectful and if nothing else, that left me disappointed in myself.
After the 4th whack, the handle on the bat broke.
I was then pulled off the bed, walked into the adjoining bathroom and leant over the bath to take the remaining whacks with the crop.
By the time Sir had finished I was in tears.
Knowing I had disrespected Him.
Feeling like I had disappointed myself.
Angry with myself that I couldn't communicate my frustrations in a better way than by saying something so blatantly stupid.
All those and more.
I have been punished before, never in person, only online and I KNOW that I could have just refused to do what I was told to do as punishment, more than likely my ex Master would never have known whether I did it or not, but I always did it.
This time I wasn't doing something to myself, I had someone right there to inflict the punishment in person, on the spot and instantly.
When Sir stopped swinging the crop, He turned me around to face Him.
I do not know whether He had something in mind to say and didn't because He saw tears, or whether He just wanted to see my face, but we then had a hug and a discussion on the why.
We have backed that up with another discussion on the why today.
I said the wrong thing.
I was not respectful
I disappointed myself even if I didn't disappoint Him
I took my punishment
I am not in a hurry to repeat it
BUT
I learnt something from this...
Sir's love for me will not prevent Him from dishing out deserved punishment.
That I need to learn another way to communicate to Sir that I need to feel His control
That I love Him more today than I did before.
And that holding my feet on the walk-in-robe sliding door prevents kids from opening it while I am providing Sir with one last blow job before I go home.
We played a little, and considering the fact that I am not supposed to being having any kind of penetration, the play was very limited.
That and the fact that I had major abdominal surgery....it is all relevant, but to my eternal frustration, I was and still am feeling almost back to normal besides having little strength and tiring more easily.
The worst of feeling ok and not sick is that I forget that I am not supposed to do a lot of things.
I would have fucked the living daylights out of Sir, but He never forgets I am unwell and limits things.
On the Saturday we were laying on the bed, and to be honest, I am not sure how it started, but what seemed like eons later and having had Sir's fingers playing on my clit and on the verge of my pussy, teasing me, the frustration inside me built to a point that my mouth shot a load and I called Sir a "Fucking Arsehole"
Yup, not one of my brighter comments.
Out came the crop
And after one strike for every letter in "Fucking arsehole" my arse looked like this...
-001.JPG)
The both of us laughed.
This was not what I would have called punishment, more like a lesson learnt about getting my mouth in check while there is a crop handy.
The following weekend I travelled to see Sir again, this time with 2 kids in tow.
For those that know me in RL, they will know this is a huge deal for me, in the past I kept my kids well away from anything to do with my kink life.
This is not just about kink, this is us having a relationship, being in love and being a family.
Sir also had His kids for the weekend.
Sir + Me + Kids = 7
Just us and 5 kids.
I was not expecting a kink filled weekend.
Probably not expecting ANY kink if I am truly honest.
Friday night began with Beer and a Blow Job.
Saturday was kid day, followed by Sir taking one of the older kids out for the night and me having some fun with the younger ones at home.
More Cock worship for Sir when He came to bed.
Sunday Morning was hectic, kids were all up by 8, neither of us had enough sleep, kids decided that quiet was for children that lived elsewhere and acted accordingly, phones beeped and chirped with plans for the day and before long the frustration at knowing I had to pack up, leave, drive home and leave Sir got the better of me.
I got to a point where I felt like this
I am pretty sure that Sir noticed the mood and we were laying on the bed together, He began teasing me, only because of the frustrations my reaction to the teasing was not the normal one, I was in an odd mood, and not feeling particularly submissive.
I leaned over and said quietly "you are a Fucking Arsehole Sir"
I knew the minute I said it, that I would pay for it, but with 5 kids in the next room, what I didnt expect was Sir to bounce off the bed, and pick up a Cricket Bat, albeit a small, miniature size one and use it on my butt.
By the third whack all I wanted to do was scream Red, but in my head I knew I never would.
I was in no danger of being HURT, only being left in pain.
I would probably raise the attention of any or all of the 5 kids, which would create questions I have no desire to answer any time soon
AND I deserved it.
I was disrespectful and if nothing else, that left me disappointed in myself.
After the 4th whack, the handle on the bat broke.
I was then pulled off the bed, walked into the adjoining bathroom and leant over the bath to take the remaining whacks with the crop.
By the time Sir had finished I was in tears.
Knowing I had disrespected Him.
Feeling like I had disappointed myself.
Angry with myself that I couldn't communicate my frustrations in a better way than by saying something so blatantly stupid.
All those and more.
I have been punished before, never in person, only online and I KNOW that I could have just refused to do what I was told to do as punishment, more than likely my ex Master would never have known whether I did it or not, but I always did it.
This time I wasn't doing something to myself, I had someone right there to inflict the punishment in person, on the spot and instantly.
When Sir stopped swinging the crop, He turned me around to face Him.
I do not know whether He had something in mind to say and didn't because He saw tears, or whether He just wanted to see my face, but we then had a hug and a discussion on the why.
We have backed that up with another discussion on the why today.
I said the wrong thing.
I was not respectful
I disappointed myself even if I didn't disappoint Him
I took my punishment
I am not in a hurry to repeat it
BUT
I learnt something from this...
Sir's love for me will not prevent Him from dishing out deserved punishment.
That I need to learn another way to communicate to Sir that I need to feel His control
That I love Him more today than I did before.
And that holding my feet on the walk-in-robe sliding door prevents kids from opening it while I am providing Sir with one last blow job before I go home.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Here it comes......
I am sitting here contemplating how my life has changed so much over the last 6 months.
More specifically, my kink life.
I had a Dom 6 months ago, and I have one now, but different men.
They hold similar values in life, they both share a wonderful gift called fatherhood, both are wonderful fathers.
But as dominants, they are poles apart in their chosen style of domination over me.
I an not saying one is right, and one is wrong. To me, it is no different to one drinking white tea, and the other black coffee.
Personal preference to them.
But I sit here and ponder how lucky I am to have met them in the order I did.
I now have the ability to be able to share with Sir all the things that turn me on, that I like, that I wish to try, that I tried in the past and want to try again.
He is also sharing much the same things with me, of course He gets to decide when and where and how and all those things, which is the whole freaking idea of course!! But still, we do talk and share these things.
Many of those things I learnt through experience with my previous Dom, either in person or in discussion.
Had it been the other way around, I would never have been able to experience a lot of the things I have done now, just because of the restrictive nature of the relationship I had before.
Now I can try them, expand on them, add to them and make a whole new list of things I want to try.
As well as my list, I am looking forward to being the guinea pig for Sir to test some of His things out on. New things we both want to try.
Already we have crossed quite a few things off the list, and I know for one, that I will have no hesitations in lining up to try any of them again.
Cept maybe the crop, that kinda stung a bit.
Sir made an online purchase last week, and it was delivered to my home instead of his.
Unluckily for me, Sir was here when it was delivered, so I didnt get the chance to play with it on my own, but I have experienced a Whartenburg Pinwheel before, so I kinda know what I might be in for.
The thing I am looking forward to the most??
Being chained up while Sir experiments on me.
I am getting to know Sir a little better, and can sometimes guess where things are headed, of course blindfold me and that kills any psychic abilities as I cannot read the look on his face, but I think I know what the reaction to the pinwheel will be.
With any luck the camera will be out and about and I will be able to share it with you all.
More specifically, my kink life.
I had a Dom 6 months ago, and I have one now, but different men.
They hold similar values in life, they both share a wonderful gift called fatherhood, both are wonderful fathers.
But as dominants, they are poles apart in their chosen style of domination over me.
I an not saying one is right, and one is wrong. To me, it is no different to one drinking white tea, and the other black coffee.
Personal preference to them.
But I sit here and ponder how lucky I am to have met them in the order I did.
I now have the ability to be able to share with Sir all the things that turn me on, that I like, that I wish to try, that I tried in the past and want to try again.
He is also sharing much the same things with me, of course He gets to decide when and where and how and all those things, which is the whole freaking idea of course!! But still, we do talk and share these things.
Many of those things I learnt through experience with my previous Dom, either in person or in discussion.
Had it been the other way around, I would never have been able to experience a lot of the things I have done now, just because of the restrictive nature of the relationship I had before.
Now I can try them, expand on them, add to them and make a whole new list of things I want to try.
As well as my list, I am looking forward to being the guinea pig for Sir to test some of His things out on. New things we both want to try.
Already we have crossed quite a few things off the list, and I know for one, that I will have no hesitations in lining up to try any of them again.
Cept maybe the crop, that kinda stung a bit.
Sir made an online purchase last week, and it was delivered to my home instead of his.
Unluckily for me, Sir was here when it was delivered, so I didnt get the chance to play with it on my own, but I have experienced a Whartenburg Pinwheel before, so I kinda know what I might be in for.
The thing I am looking forward to the most??
Being chained up while Sir experiments on me.
I am getting to know Sir a little better, and can sometimes guess where things are headed, of course blindfold me and that kills any psychic abilities as I cannot read the look on his face, but I think I know what the reaction to the pinwheel will be.
With any luck the camera will be out and about and I will be able to share it with you all.
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