chains and tears.....

There I hung, blindfolded and chained, being flogged.

I dont remember when the tears started, either during or after.

Silent tears, just leaking out from under the blindfold.

I had no idea why.

I remember feeling Master move towards walking around to the front of me, I hung my head down, hoping He wouldnt notice the tears, but I had no way of wiping them.

He wiped my nose, much like you would for a child.....made me feel cared for, but guilty at the same time. It also made the tears come faster.

They are appearing again now as I think about it.

I had no idea why the tears were there. But I couldnt stop them either.

He asked me if I was ok.......and I lied.

I knew if I said I wasnt, that I would be let down from those chains, blindfold removed, it wasnt what I wanted.
I think I wanted more.

So I said I was fine.

I wasnt.

Master made sure I knew what my safeword was, repeated to me if I needed to use it...dont be scared, just say it.

That made the tears come again.

I learnt something.......next time I will tell the truth, that I am not ok.
It is my job to tell the truth.
I cant tell Him what I dont know, but I can tell Him what I DO know.
I didnt know what was wrong, but I DID know I wasnt ok.

I still dont know why I cried.
I may never know.
I do know I will tell the truth next time.