from a Discerning Dom....

I follow a few different blogs, the ones on the left are all blogs where I find the most interest for me, for various reasons.


Some are just beginning their journey as I am, others are into their journey and can often offer some insight into what might lie ahead for me, and then there is Clive, who gets a category of his own...He makes me laugh in a wonderful way.


One blog I recently added to mine was a blog by a Dom. These seem to be few and far between, I have found a few, but most either don't make sense to me, their language doesn't appeal or they just speak of things I have no interest in reading. This one was different. Well written, in depth, and emotionally appealing in different ways. 


The Discerning Dom's latest post was about "Breaking her"


He isn't talking breaking bones, He is talking getting to the absolute inner core where she can deny Him nothing, there is no barrier left to overcome.


Some parts of the post rang inside me, I can see myself in a lot of these things, I have limits, and I know, down the track, these will no doubt change as our relationship grows, they have already. 3 Months ago there was a lot more on the NO GO list than there is now, I have learnt a lot already. And I can already see that Master pushes me gently into things that will prepare me for pushing more limits.


Sometimes you even find out that what she said was a no-go area is the thing that excites her most of all. It doesn’t mean she is playing games, telling you she won’t do this or that while knowing very well, and hoping, that this will only lead you to push harder in that direction. I think a girl can honestly say, I don’t like that, and yet such is the wonderful mystery of d/s, you one day find you are pushing at an open door.


This statement IS me at the moment, I have open doors that even as little as a month ago were firmly closed, some even locked.


But eventually, when you get past all this, you find that there is still an inner citadel unconquered, a castle keep where she will make her last stand. That’s where she guards her innermost secrets. She knows that if you gain entrance there, all is lost.


This statement made me want to scream out "Please don't tell Him that, what will I have left??"


The thought that one day I may lay broken before Him, scares the bejeesus out of me. If I give Him all, what do I do then?? 


But at the same time, it appeals to me....If I give Him all, and surrender my everything, how can I ask for more?? Isn't that the goal?? To be able to give everything?? To lay bared before Him knowing there can be no bigger sign of trust, to totally surrender and let it ALL go, I wonder whether it might be like floating on a cloud....


.....there is still some part of her that she wants to keep inviolate, that she withholds.


But I read further and find that...and know, deep inside me, that's where I will sit, there will always be something....a little part of me that He will never get, that's the part that helps me keep my sanity on the days where I wonder why the fuck I do what I do.