under consideration....

I have sat and thought about what I might write here for over 24 hours.

Yesterday I was again placed under consideration.*grins*

Some may be thinking this is backwards, since a week ago I had a full collar, but there are reasons behind this that are private, between Master and I, and it IS where we need to be right now.

I have a lot to learn, I need to EARN the full collar again.

If I sound a little less than excited about all this...believe me I'm excited, but I did have trouble for the first time ever with what to say on here.

We still have a ways to go before we can get back to where we both would like to be.

If I am honest, a lot of the lack of knowing what to write is the fact that although I am under consideration again, I am yet to hear him call me anything.

I blogged once that I got an email with "Hey there", and I wished for "my girl" instead.

One of the issues I had on my list was.....

girl...I AM proud to be your girl, BUT I feel like its a generic name, and brings to mind that it saves having to remember who you are speaking to.


I am cringing even reading that again....so should have re worded that before I sent it to Him...came across wrong, sooooo wrong its not even funny.

I AM proud to be His, and He knows I would shout it from the rooftops if I could, but I have always struggled with being called "girl"

He has had "girls" before me, and I thank them, I am sure they have helped create the Master that I now get.

One of the biggest hangups I have left over from my marriage is that I now need to feel unique, be treated as an individual, not as someone standing in the background, unseen and uncared about.

Please dont get me wrong here, NEVER EVER has Master made me feel like I was anything less than me, and certainly not uncared about, but I need to feel unique, and seeing the word girl typed on the screen, makes me feel like one of a line, and inside me I want to feel like one of a kind.

We compromised on the issue, I understood that "girl" was the word Master uses for His special one, and that a new name cant just be pulled out of someones arse, I am MORE THAN HAPPY to wait until He comes across something special, something that will be mine alone, but I am missing being called something.

At this point I am sure He will be naming me PIA or something similar. (Pain In Arse), but either way, whatever I get called....I am His, and thats all there is to it.

I am His, He is MY Master, and I am happy.

I will just feel like its a little more real when I get something more than "hey there"